January 23, 2012

Mud or Stars


I'm crazy. Today at least, going out of my mind with stress, worry and a general lack of concentration. 
This happened a few minutes ago:
Me: "Hello I need to schedule an MRI."
Receptionist: "When would you like to schedule your appointment?"
Me: "Well I want to get this over with so I want the soonest appointment you have."
Receptionist: "I can get you in tomorrow morning at 7am."
Me: "WHAT? Um OK I'll take it." {Imagine the look of fear on my face}
Receptionist: "Oh ya, be here at 6:45 to fill out paperwork."
Me: "Awesome."

Can you believe it? Perhaps its an answered prayer that I will be able to get this over with AND my mom is working from home tomorrow so she can watch the kids, but at this point my mind is spinning. Not so much because of the procedure but because now I will know if that really bad possible diagnosis is true. 
Fear.
I'm reading a really great book right now by Linda Dillow called "Calm My Anxious Heart". In it she talks about finding contentment with circumstances. She tells a story about two women. One is content with her life because she looks for all the good around her, and the other focuses on the negative, making her bitter, angry and discontented. 

Two women looked through prison bars,
One saw mud, the other saw stars.

I really wanna see the stars, but lifting my head above the mud is so hard sometimes. It's a daily struggle to be thankful for what I have when there is so much I still want and accomplish.
But I have to. It's the only way for me to find peace, and that's something I so badly crave.
Right now I'm thankful for my health insurance and supportive family. I am looking forward to the day when I have the answers to my medical problems no matter how bad the results are, at least I will know.
I need to find peace right now, with the circumstances I am given at this moment.
Do you see the mud or the stars?
Please say a little prayer for me friends, it's gonna be an early morning!
april
xoxo

8 comments:

Anna @ Blissful Whimsy said...

I'm a normally negative person so I can relate to your story about the two women. How can we be so negative when we have God in control? it's silly.
I will definitely, definitely be praying for peace for you and your family and that you get a great report!

Rachael Farris said...

GOOD LUCK! Sending you good vibes that it goes smoothly and give you what you need to get better.

Sending you sunshine,

Rachael @ You Me and Natalie

Mary said...

i'm praying, girl!
you are on my chalkboard prayer list, so i'm SURE to see your name throughout the day. ;)
God will take care of you.
xoxo

Katie @ minivan diva said...

It depends on the day! Keep seeking the stars tomorrow. I'm praying for you.

Gentri said...

Definitely depends on the day. Today? Kind of muddy but I'm trying to turn to those stars. :) Good luck April! I hope it all goes well and there is nothing wrong, or if there is, that it gets taken care of asap. :) I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. :)

Vivian said...

You will be in my prayers. I really love that analogy of the mud and the stars. I've heard of the glass half full/half empty..but never that one. Gotta say I rather talk about stars :)

mama marchand said...

Praying for you, sweet friend. <3

Kelly said...

STARS!!!
i am praying for you.